I’d like to think that if I walk 7,000 steps, climb three flights of stairs and stand up every hour, I can pat myself on the back and say, “Yahoo!” “Good job!” “You rock!”

That would make sense, but instead I keep looking at my watch.

This has nothing to do with telling time. That was when I had a cheap Timex with a glow-in-the dark dial.

This has everything to do with getting applause.  And not even from a person.  From the activity app lurking under its digital dial.

It wasn’t always like this.  I shunned the Fitbit when it first came out.

“Who needs that?  I said, confident that I could give myself all the needed encouragement.  After all, it’s self-validation that really counts. Right?

But then I started obsessing over the fact that the house I downsized into had no phone in the basement.  My old one actually had phone jacks. And my exercise equipment was down there! How would I call 9-1-1 when I suddenly became lightheaded and slumped against the exercise bike?  (I’ve been known to catastrophize.)

I have breakfast most weekends with folks who are technology nerds and eager to share the latest.

“What you need,” they said, “is a Smart Watch.  If you pass out and knock it hard against something, it calls 9-1-1.”

I blew them off for a while, but then imagining the awfulness of being slumped undiscovered for hours or possibly forever, I made an online beeline for various Smart Watch purveyors.

Now the owner of such a gizmo, I can vouch that what the breakfast crowd told me is true.  When I’ve knocked my wrist against the ping pong table trying to return some errant shot, voila!  If I don’t stop them, the watch crew will call the squad, and there’s no calling them back.

I wore the thing for easily six months before I discovered – again listening in at breakfast – that there were all sorts of other features.  It would monitor your sleep, watch you for heart palpitations and – this is the possible kicker –like a Fitbit, it will also keep track of your steps.

Once I got into it, it wasn’t long before I’d found the little icons to touch so I could keep track of where I was with my fitness goals on any particular day. From there, it was a short hop to realizing that I needed to put the thing on the moment I got up, or I wouldn’t get credit for all the steps.  A walk without first hitting the “Outdoor Walk” icon feels like a walk that has not really occurred.  Occasionally – hallelujah – if I forget, it sends a little message like, “It looks like you’re walking” and I can respond with a finger touch that said Yes, yes, yes, and it fast-forwards me to the minutes I’ve already put in.

After a while, If I I’m lucky, I get a message “You’ve completed your exercise ring,” which feels suddenly like carte blanche not to exercise anymore– except that typically it will come back in and say, “Time to stand,” which is apparently connected to another goal. This message generally pops up on a Zoom call or in the middle of a concert.

I recently read an opinion piece by a New York Times columnist who decided to abandon the Smart Watch applause and simply listen to her body. This was a much-debated decision, based on research that showed watch-watchers were no more fit – and often more stressed – than those who relied on their bodies’ natural intuition when it comes to exercise.

Moved by her impassioned decision, I felt tempted to pitch mine as well– until I took time to examine my body’s “natural intuition.”

“Just a few more minutes at the computer,” I heard it say. “And while you’re there, it wouldn’t hurt to check Facebook. And how long before Mrs. Maisel Season Five? “

So maybe I’ll keep my Smart Watch a bit longer. For now, at least, its natural intuition is feeling a lot smarter than mine.

Copyright 2022 Pat Snyder