I’m the first to admit that Google is my medical guru, YouTube guides my home repairs, and Amazon is my personal shopper.
So it’s no surprise that I’d consult all of the above to figure out how – when temperatures are headed into the ‘90s and I’m headed on a two-week vacation – I could keep my screen porch plants alive.
First, let me say that this is rarely a problem. By mid-July, my plants are usually on their last leg. I have never been a faithful waterer beyond the first few weeks of June, which is one reason I’ve limited myself to plants instead of animals.
This year, though, having found online a weird upside-down bottle contraption that would allow me to water without actually watering, the plants themselves were looking pretty good before I left. Only dill and cilantro had turned to dust. Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme were hardy, and basil was pesto-ready.
“It looks pretty weird,” friends said, pointing to the collection of Aqua Fina bottles sticking out of the pots in all directions. But since all that was required was refilling the bottles every few days, I was happy to sacrifice aesthetics.
Somehow, it didn’t occur to me till an hour before departure that ingenious as my system was, no one would be there to keep filling the bottles. With no time to schlep the plants to a willing waterer or recruit a friend, I threw myself again on the mercy of online help.
As a service to others who find themselves in this spot, let me share what I found:
- All you need are absorbent disposable diapers. Cut them open and use them to line all your pots. Of course, you will have to repot your plants. Don’t forget to cover up the drain holes.
- All you need are two plastic cups for each plant. Make sure they are of the same size and will fit inside each other. Punch a hole in the bottom of one. Thread a piece of string through it. Fill the other cup with water. Let the string lie in the water. Put soil in the top cup and plant something in it. Somehow, the water will swim upstream on the string.
- All you need is a wine bottle. Put a string in it. Then sink that string into the dirt of a neighboring potted plant. The water will somehow swim up the string and then down into the pot.
- All you need are big plastic bags, one for each plant. Water each plant and tie the bag over it. Now you have a greenhouse/terrarium.
Just as I was scrambling for the requisite equipment, it occurred to me that any intelligent burglar looking at a porch full of plants with bottles and string and diapers and bags sticking out of them, might figure out I was not home. So I scooped up the whole collection, filled the bottles one last time, shoved them into the sink, filled the sink with water, turned on a light and said a prayer that all of the above plus air conditioning would save them.
Stay tuned. If it works, I’ll be starring on YouTube.
Copyright 2019 Pat Snyder
