The obsession started innocently enough. A Clintonville friend, wary of attracting rats to her feeders last year, dropped off a giant grocery bag of gourmet birdseed at our door.
“Enjoy!” she said, as I gawked at the mixture resembling high-end granola bars, and wondered what exotic creatures I’d attract.
The immediate result was astounding. The feeders were empty and ready for a refill every single morning.
“Amazing!” I told my husband. “We must be attracting whole colonies of exotic birds!”
Odd thing was, we never saw them. Only the occasional cardinal or blue jay appeared.
But then one evening, outside lights ablaze, the exotic creatures finally appeared. Two fat raccoons, hanging from the sapling where we’d hung the feeders, were having a field day. Holding the feeding tubes in their tiny paws and emptying every ounce into their greedy little mouths, the bulky bandits barely blinked when we banged on the window.
One of them, still not satisfied, proceeded to eat the feeder too, littering the ground with birdseed and metal parts.
“This is war,” I announced, and went on a Google rampage for the perfect raccoon solution.
With so many complex problems in the world, there is nothing more compelling than one that’s simple to solve. That, I soon found out, does not include thwarting raccoons.
Online advice only sounded simple. We could suspend the feeders from a wire strung between two trees. I pictured myself suspended from the wire as I lost my balance trying to hang the feeders. This was all the more likely because I would also need to string soda bottles lengthwise near the feeders so squirrels couldn’t walk the tightrope to get to the granola.
Or try this. Measure only enough seed each day to feed the likely number of arriving birds. Then, since raccoons are nocturnal, there would be nothing left the next day.
Or finally, bring the feeders in every single night and put them out the next morning. For someone who can’t remember to take the garbage can out once a week, this didn’t seem like a good option.
There were more online suggestions for do-it-yourselfers. I could make my own raccoon “baffle” with some stovepipe, a power drill and something called “self-drilling screws.” The idea was to keep them from climbing up the feeder pole by installing a cylinder with a lid, about 10 inches in diameter, around the pole and just under the feeders. I loved the idea but decided to pass after noticing the YouTube instructions omitted shots of the actual construction and instead included remarks like “Sure was tricky getting that end on, but once you get it….”
In a weak and very brief moment, my husband and I came up with the same original idea: put tons of seed down low, so the lazy raccoons would not bother the feeder. But then we both pictured the same horrendous result: hordes of raccoons waddling into our yard from a nearby ravine.
In the end, we decided to go with the baffle but ditch the DIY approach. I headed to the birdseed store and hauled home something called an “advanced pole system” – way more advanced than my abilities – fitted with a store-made raccoon baffle and two crooks to hang the feeders. To make room for it, we had to cut down the tree the feeders were in and give it the required three feet away from foliage.
The birds love their new landing spot, right under feeders, and we haven’t seen the raccoons since. In their place is a squirrel that keeps circling the bottom of the pole, pecking at dropped seed and sizing up the baffle.
Just about right, he probably thinks, for a landing pad.
Copyright 2014 Pat Snyder
