This week, I was set to report a miracle of the universe. After publicly bemoaning the death of Big Oskar, my years-faithful food processor, I was excited to announce that thanks to eBay, I had found another of these gems that is no longer made.
Not only that. I was excited to announce that the Big O had carried the sought-after acronym NIB (“new in box”) and had, in fact, been found like an abandoned treasure, under the rafters of an old house. Through my wishful thinking and Oskar’s need for a home, I knew the two of us had been synchronistically connected!
All this I was writing in my head as the Big O was making his way from Pennsylvania to my kitchen counter.
“He’ll be good for another 20 years!” I exclaimed to all who would listen, as I finally lifted Oskar from his original Styrofoam packing onto the counter.
All was blissful until I plugged him in, fitted the shiny new lid into its familiar locking position, and flipped the switch. At which point, as my mother used to say, the silence was deafening.
Apparently, with nary a carrot chopped, Oskar died a quiet death from disuse under the rafters. Or perhaps, he was Oskar the Lemon to begin with, and his young newlywed owners had stashed him rafter-ward in frustration.
And so I am left to ponder the philosophy of my friend and fellow coach Amy Ryan Rued, who assures me that the universe will attract my vision “or something better.”
Maybe a paring knife???
3 Responses
Well, I hope their wedded bliss didn’t go the same way under the rafters. I don’t suppose you plugged The Return of Big Oskar into the same circuit as the old, faithful Oska, the First. Maybe it’s the circuit? Does the manual (if you didn’t shred it with the other stuff) mention anything about some kind of reset switch like on garbage disposals? Just trying to be one of the many conduits for the Universe here. Of course, I have a reputation for being a clogged drain when it comes to “downloading” extremely meaningful insights from that source.
Oh. no. The Big O II and I traveled around from circuit to circuit, and he remained universally dead. The manual said a lot about mis-chopped carrots – something that is not a problem here since we have not made even the first chop. No re-set. I am thinking maybe jumper cables…. Or possibly that hard-to-come-by moment of resolution like the one that, in fact, shoes are no longer made in a AAA heel width, and one is destined to slosh around forever in a medium. Sigh….
Well, there’s always trying for the Guinness Book of Records for the largest collection of nonfunctioning Big Oskars. I feel your sigh …